Everything is Not what it Seems

You know your kidding yourself when you can't even blog about whats really going on in your life. This past few days of my life have been really mind blowing and eye opening. Lemme start from July 3rd, This day was spent at my dad's house at a birthday party he was throwing for one of his friends son who was turning 9 his name is dylan spoiled little brat he was. His dad kept getting on to him and he just continued to act just like a little shit the entire time. His mom and dad are divorced and he has been living with his mom and grandma and his grandmother AND his mom are mentally ill and they dont' disipline him and just recently the mother has given custody of him to his father just out of the blue dropped him off and walked away. Its really sad actually but now the father is trying to get his butt in line cause he's just a mouthy brat. So during the party the father is telling the kid who won't eat anything cause he wants CAKE and proceeds to throw a fit to eat something else and how everyone was here for him and he should appreciate it blah blah blah went in one ear and out the other with this kid. His father walked away so frustrated so ME being the big mouth I am spoke up cause you know what In my family circle and friends we do that when our kids step out of line. I expect someone to correct my kids if they are out of line VERBALLY. Anyway his dad walked off and you could tell he was at his wits end so I leaned over at the table to dylan and i said " HEY your dad practically bent over backwards to give you this party and cook all this food so that you could have a nice birthday and your giving him nothing but crap and you need to act right and apologize to him or I'll take my kids and go home, Because I don't want my kids hanging around with a kid thats going to be ungreatful to the people who are here for him giving him presents and spending our time on him." He got up and said yes maam and went and apologized to his dad. It was so cool that he did that he still acted up the rest of the day though. Can't always win them all but that one time he apologized was worth a million bucks to that dad. Anyway we spent all day there the kids had a blast. Then on the 4th we went and spent the day at my grandmothers house. Kirks mom was suppost to come over that night to watch fireworks but she called that morning and said that she wasn't up to going anywhere she had been to the cemetery to visit her mothers grave and just wanted to stay home. So we went to my grandmas and ate and swam and spent time with my family. I had previously told Kirk that we were going to watch fireworks at home cause they have them right down the road from us but IN my head i was thinking whats the point of leaving my grandmothers house early since his mom wasn't coming but i didn't say that outloud don't ask me why cause i don't know. Keep that in mind cause it will prove that it started a huge uproar later. Anyway we all went swimming that day almost my entire family, Kirk however didn't want to swim and I kept callin him a party pooper, I just wanted him to come out and spend time with me like everyone else but he wouldn't and it made him upset that I kept saying he was poopin out on us. 6pm rolls around and Kirk gets this look on his face like he wants to leave he's mopeing around giving me dirty looks ect.. So i finally gather the kids up and their things and angrily get everyone ready and my grandmother asks me whats wrong and I say "I don't want to leave but kirk does so we have to leave" so i continue to get the rest of our stuff together and we leave and I cried leaving their house because I wanted to stay. I didn't talk to kirk the entire way home which is an hour drive. So we get home we are both on edge and pissed off. We walk down to watch fireworks down the street we thought we would be able to see them from our house but its a little further down than we thought so we just walked up there no big deal. The fireworks were awesome I got emotional during them. Then all hell breaks lose. Alex starts vomiting while the fireworks were going on The heat and him eating nothing but junk food all day long didn't suit him very well. One of the strollers Wheels broke off so we had to push a stroller with 3 wheels home which SUCKED. We get home get the kids to bed. Sit down in front of the tv hardly speaking and I say "i don't know how to say this so i'm just going to come out and say it, I don't think this is going to work" Kirk looked at me and said nope its not. He knew exactly what i was talking about. Our marriage was in trouble and ive been sugar coating everything to make it seem like soemthing its not. Neither of us are very happy with how things are right now. Anyway to make a long story short since this is already long enough I almost left kirk. But i'm still here so we are trying. There were a few things we found out that needed to be changed and Kirk was willing to work through this with me and right now everything is good. He wants me to be how i was when we first got married and I wanna be like that girl too but he keeps forcing that girl to stay away cause he makes fun of her and ive just learned to hide her well in front of him. So i'm working on bringing her back out which I need and he's working on not making fun of that girl so i'm not afraid to bring her out. Also we have both agreed to work through the Relationship Rescue Dr Phil book and I have to tell you its the best thing. Ive learned so much stuff that and he's learned so much stuff that we needed to know long ago. Just feelings about one another that we should have known so we could have fixed these issues instead of letting them get so out of control we were ready to just say fuck it i'm done. But now we are fixing them and I feel so much relief that its all out in the open. No more hiding something that wasn't working. NOW its working but we have ALOT still to work on. But RIGHT NOW its GOOD for once. I feel like ME finally. Like i don't have to hide myself . I'm done hiding now its time for the real Mandy to stand up.