Bathtime

Took these last night during bathtime Kai was being too cute to pass up pictures.

Clarification

The picture that has the clouds and castles is the BEFORE the dining picture is AFTER.

Before and After

My new dining room area!

Little bit of Everything

I Think I'm regretting saying ok to the vasectomy, I know it was for the best REALLY, but I can't help but think about it. Everytime I see any program on tv where someone finds out they are pregnant or someone is pregnant or someone is giving birth I get sad. I know we can't afford anymore kids I know that my attempts for another girl will probably end up with another boy (when you have alot of one sex child there IS a reason for it). Acceptance is there but so is Sadness. I NEED to go to school and get my nursing degree done, I need to enroll first so Kirk is going to have to either come home early or go in late one day for me to go. Money is tight AGAIN what else is new. In a few months it shouldn't be an issue but just getting to that point will suck. Alex finally got a real bed this past weekend, I was looking for a twin bed for him he was sleeping on a futon bed which to me is uncomfortable but he didn't seem to mind it, But now he has a real bed and i'm glad i hate that damn futon. My dining area got moved to the room off the kitchen it looks so much more open now. Auntie flow has finally departed (yes i sent her to the WESTCOAST) . Also on the weight loss front i've lost 9lbs over the span of about 3 weeks which is great. I upped my carbs to 100 a day approximately, switched to diet rite soda which I love and I eat alot of lean protein and more fruits and veggies. My carbs mainly come from fruits and veggies. Although the other day I did endulge in some pasta. And last night I had one spoonful of mac and cheese. Hey a girls gotta have some carbs every now and then or I'll totally fail at losing weight. But I'm still doing it even though I haven't posted about it much. And So far thats all i got today to post I'm drawin a blank.

I did it!

PINK 

Oh my Uterus

Now while I know no one wants to hear about my monthly but OMG could it be any worse. I have the most horrible cramps and feel terribly woosy alot. Anyway I'll move on so you don't have to hear too much. We moved around some rooms in the house. Alex is now in Kai's old room and Kai and Z are sharing a room now. The room that use to be Alex's room is the dining room now which makes more sense cause its right off the kitchen. We only used that room as his bedroom because it was painted with a kids theme when we moved in. Then as we thought about it we decided we needed to put the dining table in there so we have more room in the livingroom. Where the dining table USE to be we put the computer desk so I have sort of a nook now. Which is by far ALOT more room than I use to have. My computer desk was crammed into a little corner in my kitchen before. NOT a good place. I freecycled a bunch of stuff yesterday. Got rid of alot of my old clothes, Nice clothes but I don't wear them anymore. I also received a big box of craft stuff from a freecycler for the kids there couldn't have been everything I needed in this box now could there YES THERE COULD. OMG this lady brought me a gigantic box and there was everything from feathers to felt to stencils, and stamps and pom poms and popsicle sticks even fabric and fabric patterns. the kids were in heaven. Tonight is fish fry night again i'm in the mood even though its fried its low in carbs so thats good. Ive upped my carbs to 100 a day and so far its been ok. I was worried that when I upped them that I would gain back but I haven't its still steadily coming off. Anyway its friday wooohoooo glad its the weekend. Thats all I got for now can't think .

Oldie 

Oh boy

So we have another dog now. A Stray, I saw him walking along our sidewalk in the front yesterday and I thought it was my neighbors across the street so I went out to catch him cause I thought ut oh my neighbors dog got loose. Well then he ran across the street like he was running home, But then he proceeded to run further down the road and out of sight. Alex my son of course was wanting to go catch him. And I said well if you can catch him bring him home and well give him some food and water and see if we can find his owners but you have to put your shoes on first (hot ground this is texas). Anyway 5 minutes go by and alex finally gets his shoes on the dog is out of site so I never thought in a million years he'd catch the damn dog. Boy was I wrong. He was gone for about 15-20 minutes and here he came with the dog. The poor thing he's about 8 years old was severely amaciated UGLY as sin, and needed a bath and his nails clipped. (I'm doubting anyone lost him UGH) . He is a pekingese so he's not big he's a little old guy. So at the moment i'm callin him oldie .I'm going to post him on the pet board and see if anyone lost him. Anyway thats i'll i got for now maybe more will come to me later.

Quote From the Movie

This comes from one of the letters Noah wrote to Allie I thought it was beautiful.

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And thats's what you've given men. That's what i'd hoped to give you forever."

The Notebook

I watched this movie last night I was up until 3am it was by far the greatest love story movie I have ever seen. Just beautiful. I cried several times and knew when they were coming but that was ok. Such a pure love , happy love, comfortable love, ment to be love. Kirk and I do have that somewhere underneath all the lifes bs. I was drawn to him as him to me. Fate as you have it brought me to him. Let me elaborate if you don't know. The first night me and Kirk got together was right after I graduated highschool about a week or two. I was coming home after hanging out with some friends and it was about midnight. We lived in a small town so in order to get home I had to drive through the "square" in town (its just a couple of blocks of businesses and a courthouse). Anyway I saw kirk walking through the square and normally being by myself , a woman, and it was midnight i wouldn't have stopped. But fate stepped in and made me turn my car around and drive to him. I knew him from school we had a brief make out session my freshman year and i'd seen him several times after that but we never really talked. What made me turn around I KNOW it was fate because I would have normally NEVER done something like that. We hit it off immediately and we drove around in my car for hours after that just talking just being together. About two in the morning I told him i had to go home I didn't have a curfew but i always came home. So i dropped him off and before I left him he ASKED me if he could kiss me. I melted at that point. We kissed he got out of my car I told him to page me the next day. (back then pagers were the "cool thing") He didn't page me. But about two weeks later right before i was to go take the state board test for my cosmetology license he paged me. I called back and we talked and I invited him to go down to Austin with me and we could hang out after I took my boards(test). I told him to meet me on the square and we would go. He didn't meet me. He apparently forgot to set his alarm clock. When I came back from taking my boards I thought for sure whatever spark we had was gone and i'd never see him again. So I lived my life for two more weeks and didn't see him. Until he paged me while i was at work. So I called him (yes at work) I worked at a burger and catfish diner and it wasn't busy lol. Anyway I told him to come to my work at about 10 and we'd go hang out after. He showed up at 5pm and he sat in the place the entire time till i got off work just to look at me. He played the song amanda on our jupbox several times during my shift and he told me that he did come to the square the day i was leaving to go to austin but he was too late. And that day he also told me that one day I would marry him. Which I in turn laughed off with a huge blush. After that night we were inseperable. My grandmother was very much like the mother in the notebook, Expected me to be with someone up to her standards , then I brought home kirk to meet her, PUNK with a mohawk and piercings and tattoos what a shocker for her. I think I gave my poor grandma the shock of her life. He was so not the type of guy I had dated before. Not the cleancut, athletic type. He was punk hard core and i LOVED IT. I felt rebellious and liberated. He made me feel great, happy, blissful, playful, beautiful and fun to be with. He didn't mind my chick music and i didn't mind his punk stuff. Then summer came to an end and so did my job at the burger place. I got a job at American Airlines. I was moving to the big city ( DFW) and out of that crapass cowboy and old people infested town. He stayed behind and ever single weekend I drove to see him right after work which ended at 2am no less. I would get off work at 2am on friday and immediately drive to see him and on the way he would page me over and over I love you. We had it worked out so you could put i love you with numbers. I would spend from the time i got off work on friday until Monday until about noon before I would go home and get dressed for work until the next weekend. We did this for about 6 months. The last time we did it we discussed moving in together and that very day he told me he had saved up all the money he had made in that 6 months to do that and that very day he quit his job for me and we went and got an apartment in Dallas. And the rest is history. We moved in together went to school, got pregnant had a baby, got married , graduated, moved to california, had another baby , had another baby, kirk graduated college, moved back to texas, kirk got a great career and we bought a house and we are living happily ever after . We have had lots of bumps in our road together but we are still together and beat the odds of marriages that fail we've been married 8 years been together 10 this month. Love is ment to be pure not manufactured because it s ment to fit. Love is ment to be messy, chaotic, freespirited, fun, oblivious and blissful. Love is ment to be forever and soulful. Love is ment to weather through storms. Love is ment to be wholehearted and gentle. Love is ment to be as fate and god see it. And I can say that am happily in love.

Boys havin fun 

Pool Fun

So i found the pool i wanted to get the kids and for 10 bucks none the less. The dog can't pop this one, its not one of those inflatable kinds its got the hard poly vinyl ridged sides so she can step all over it and it won't pop. The kids had a blast. Got a few picture i'll post one. I'm feeling kinda blah. I think I'm getting a cold or something my throat is sore and i'm draggin this morning. Ive lost 8lbs now so thats a good thing. I want a banana this morning but its far too many carbs so thats a big NO. Its the weekend thank goodness I need the break or at least the help. Anyway I don't have much to say this morning not alot went on yesterday to talk about. Picture of kiddos to come.

Happiness

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable , than risk being happy." Robert Anthony

Boring

Can I just say my life is incredibly boring. I get excited when I go to the grocery store just because I get to get out of the house. I get excited because I find the pool I wanted for the KIDS for cheaper than what it was online ALOT cheaper. I get excited to go out to eat at IHOP. Am I really that sad? My life has become so boring we never do anything probably cause we are broke most the time but hey we have a house right? UGH. Anyway summer is just one big fight the kids never stop someone is always screaming at someone and someone is always crying cause someone else hit, punched, scratched, slapped, smacked, kicked, poked, got too close to, took something , did something they didn't get to do, got something they didn't get, got less than someone else. You get it right? I'm stressed the fuck out. I need a vacation from being a mom. I know i signed up for this not once but 3 times and I accept that fully but sometimes i just need time off. I wish I had two days off from my work. But my job is 24/7 with no pay and the only benefits which are wonderful are kisses and hugs from my kids. I can't wait to go to school so I can get away. If only for a couple of hours at night at least i'd be getting away. Mom duty isn't the only thing either Maid duty calls too. I was up till 1am last night doing KIRKS laundry cause he decided to tell me he had no clothes to wear for work and apparently he can't remember to do his own laundry. Don't i have enough to do? I don't think I even remember what the old Amanda use to be like. I think she use to be fun cause the one I am right now isn't who i use to be at all. SAVE ME.. Ok enough droneing on and on about how i feel sorry for myself. Today is a new day and I choose to be happy and not drag ass all day. I choose to play with my kids in their new pool today and lay out in the warm sun. I choose to be HAPPY. What do you choose?

Dory

Just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming swimming what do you do we swim ahh ahhh haha we love to swimmmmmmm swimmmmmmmm . I'm gonna getcha I'mmmm gonna getcha AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. My best dory from finding nemo impression

14 bucks

Thank goodness tommorow is payday we have 14 bucks in the checking account. YIKES. Anyway so update update we went and saw madagascar on Saturday with the kids at the drive in while normally that would sound like fun the kids hated it . They didn't like sitting in the truck at all and i don't think they even saw the majority of the movie cause they complained the entire time. We ate dinner at my grannys house . Alex went fishing too he caught a small perch and then he put it on their trout line ( a big line about 12 ft long and its got about 6 or 7 hooks on it and they throw it out into the lake) well my granny calls us on sunday to tell us Alex has caught a 40lb Catfish on that fish he caught WOW. Anyway On the weight loss front ive lost 7lbs so far and yesterday I actually RAN on the track at the middle school a whole mile. Accomplishment for me running is rough on my knee and it didn't give me any problems so thats a good sign I can keep doing it. Kids are quiet at the moment thank gawd for video games and lazy town. They are wanting a new pool cause the dog popped the last one but I can't go get that till at least tommorow. I"m suppost to be doing this product test thing but their website is down and I can't get in HELLO people fix your stuff please!! I have that song running through my head right now "people are strange" who sings that ? The Who? The doors? Rolling Stones?? hell if i know comment if you know. Anyway thats all I can think of right now Ive kinda had writers block.

Serenity Prayer

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..

4Lbs

So I weighed again this morning and to my suprise i'm 4 whole pounds down. That rocks I love seeing quick results but I know eventually its not going to come off so fast. I'm happy though it makes me wanna keep at it when its coming off like this so i'm not discouraged. Doing low carb is pretty easy for me as long as i incorporate the fruits i NEED to eat. I also found these really really good fudge bryers popcicle things. They only have 3 carbs and they are so good. I have one after dinner and that helps with any after dinner cravings I get to eat sweets. Ive switched to fresca soda too its pretty good and zero carbs which is great. I still get some soda but not soda thats gonna make me fat. This morning i woke up with a bit of a sore throat though I hope i'm not getting sick I so don't need that right now. Anyway thats all i got for now... More later perhaps...

2lbs

So I weighed this morning and I'm down 2lbs from yesterday waterweight I'm sure but its 2 pounds none the less. This time around eating this way is easier for me cause I'm very committed this time. I cannot be like my mother that is not an option and this is probably the best motivation I could have gotten. I'm kinda aggravated at Kirk though. I Tried to snuggle up with him last night and he just kinda threw his arm over me and layed there like he couldn't care less way to make me feel loved. Anyway this weekend we are going to take the kids to a drive in i think they are playing Madagascar and we've been waiting for a kid movie to pop up over there so the kids could go experience a drive in they are a dying breed and theres not many around now days but there is one in the town I grew up in so we are going to go do that. Anyway I don't have much this morning to talk about so maybe somethin else will strike me that I need to blog about later.

The Diet

Kirk took some pictures of us this past weekend and well I saw some pictures of myself I wasn't too happy with. Yes part of the reason I'm on a diet again is because i wasn't happy with the way i looked weight wise. But the main reason was because I looked much like my mother and that CANNOT happen. I refuse to look like her even remotely so lots is changing. Our body style is entirely too alike so I have to lose this weight and i have to workout. THE END no ifs ands or buts about it. So today is full day one of modified atkins. Yesterday was a half day. By modified atkins its really my own carb program I keep my carbs under 30 a day and I can have more fruit . So heres to day one.

This is gonna be a Long one

Ok so I haven't posted sue me . Lots going on. This weekend was one of the busiest at home. And first let me say it had its good times and good fun but that got overshadowed by the bad so i'll elaborate. Kirk gets off work on Thursday and comes home its hot we have No A/c in the car cause after he got into that accident the people who straightened out the front in nicked the a/c and now it doesn't work and we haven't had a chance to take it back in for them to fix it which they will but since we only have one car its kinda hard to fit in a time to go. Anyway I digress he comes home its hot as hell he's not in the best mood (nothing new lately) comes in changes his clothes barely talks to me and goes to lay on the couch where he pretty much doesn't move from until dinner time. We eat dinner , then about an hour after that we get a call from our Best friend Mike he's wondering what we are doing and asks us if we will watch his kids so they can go out to play poker. By the time they get here its 10pm and they ended up just hanging out at our house till 12 which isn't terrible cause we don't go to bed till late anyway and it was nice seeing them. Friday comes around Kirk comes home in a hot car (shitty mood) again lays on the couch grills us some chicken we eat. After dinner we had a discussion about how much work each of us did on the dinner cause I wanted to make a new rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to do dishes and everyone else has to clean up. Well for that dinner I prepared EVERYTHING potato salad which takes about an hour, marinaded the chicken, shucked all the corn and put butter in them and rehusked them and wrapped them in aluminum foil. All he did was grill the chicken and corn which isn't very hard. So I said I did 90% of the dinner so he should do dishes well he disagreed said he did 40% . 40%??? please tell me how the hell you get 40% of the credit for dinner by just grilling i did all the damn prepwork and got EVERYTHING Ready. Not to mention washed a MOUNTAIN of dishes on my sink and counter cause no one else in this house bothers to do any fucking thing. Anyway dishes end up sitting in the sink that night not to mention because kirk thought he was going to have to do dishes he made us eat on paper plates UGH. LAZY!! Then Saturday came along. Kirks mom wanted to come over and go camping with the kids which is great I love her She's probably the best MIL i could ask for. Kirk set up the tent all was great we sat inside and watched tv. We go to bed at about 1 . 4:30am rolls around and I hear thunder and lightening (the kids and my mil are outside in the tent). So I roll over and say hey should i go tell her to bring the kids in and he just mumbled something at me and rolled over. So i get up and as i'm walkin out the door i say "thanks for the help" and walk out. I go outside wake them all up and at this point its getting more windy and more lightening and thunder so we carry the kids in and my Mil sleeps on the couch. We all go back to bed at about 4:45am . Fast Forward to 7am all the kids up so I gotta get up. My mil has since up and left which she said she would anyway cause she has a dog and she had to go let her out . I get up i clean the night befores messes cause on Thursday I invited Mike and his family back over for a BBQ. I clean the house AGAIN by myself pretty much dishes from the night before which i shouldn't have done cause I cooked most of it again. Made potato salad AGAIN i love summer cause i get to eat lots of that stuff lol. Got the kids all dressed. House cleaned its about noon now and the dishnetwork guy shows up (one of the satellites wasn't working) so he moves the dish a tree was blocking it (why didn't the first guy know not to put it there) . Kirk finally gets up while he's here its about noon and thats fine cause I slept in on Saturday. I cut up the ribs and season them and put them in a pot to boil. We sit around for a while waiting for mike and his family to get here. They finally get here about 3 Kirk about this time is showing his shitty mood colors again ( like thats anything new *eyeroll* The come in we say our welcomes ect.. I'm putting bbq sauce on the ribs getting them ready for the grill he goes outside gets it ready which is then when he starts to complain that he didn't really want do this today ( first official complaint of the day) and that he was tired (hello you slept till noon gimme a break) So i go out and hook up the slip and slide for all the kids they go out and play and have a great time practically drowned my yard but thats ok it needed it even after the rain the day before. Kirk finishes grilling brings in the ribs and i get everything all set up and put out in the kitchen on the cabinets so everyone can just go down the line of food and help themselves. Kirk is first he comes in and makes himself two hotdogs and gets some potato salad. HE made ribs but wasn't eating any at that time. We get all the kids food mikes kids devour all the ribs practically I only got ONE mind you they were huge beef ribs but still and i'm not complaining i got lots of other stuff i was full. I go in the kitchen and made a comment to kirk about their only being one left and he snaps back "i WAS going to take some to work for lunch but now theres not any" like it was all my fault that he didn't get any ribs. Um hello you should have got some when you made your plate before everyone else. OH i forgot something. Before we ate mike was playing PS2 and shae my dog walked by and got caught on the cord and the ps2 fell on the floor and broke (which can be fixed) and kirk mumbled to me " i can't have anything nice in this house" LIKE ITS MY FUCKING FAULT. Anyway after dinner we all are relaxing talkin and stuff its about 5 pm and mike mentions going swimming and kirk said "i don't swim i surf" um hello kirk your in texas and you can't surf and last time you surfed was 2 years ago and before that when we lived in california you only surfed about 3 times in that entire 5 years so YEA your a surfer WHATEVER. Guess cause I rode a bicycle a few times i'm a cyclist now WOOHOO. *insert eyeroll here* . Anyway mike wanted to go to the waterpark down the street and kirk didn't (suprise suprise he never wants to do anything). And I couldn't go without him cause I haven't updated my drivers license yet and in order to get resident rates I would have had to take a water bill with my name on it which is in HIS name so we were in the back bedroom and i said well are you going to go tell him your boring and don't ever wanna go do anything or am i gonna have to be the barer of bad news. He didn't say anything. So I go out and say sorry guys kirk is being anti social and doesn't wanna do anything right now and i can't go without him so i can't go either. At this point i'm pretty much in tears cause we never do ANYTHING EVER. Our life consists of him leaving in the mornings me cleaning house and watching kids and him coming home and taking a shit for an hour and plopping down on the couch till bedtime. *i'm getting bored kirk and this is a problem i'm UNHAPPY* I want to do things i want to go out i want to be a family you are NOT the only person in this house we want to do things WE don't want to lounge around EVERYFUCKING DAY tyvm. I want to live an active life not a lazy one. I'm Tired of being fat and you not wanting to go out and be active SUCKS . I realize your tired but you know what so am I and for the sake of our kids I want them to do stuff I don't want them watching tv Everynight all night like they have been its NOT healthy. We need to get out and do stuff. FREE Stuff i'm sure theres lots to do. This has got to change. Then kirk tried to hug and kiss me in the kitchen like i was gonna be receptive to it hello get your fucking hands off me and how dare you expect me to allow that when you were just a complete and total jerk to me and our friends. I'm stressed out and unhappy and bored this does not make for a good wife. Then after our friends leave I get a phone call about my dad from my grandma (his mom) she proceeds to tell me that he's been hanging out with the whore ex girlfriend that put him in jail for 2 years on a bogus charge cause she was pissed off at him. But I digress again my grandma said he's been with her and hanging out with her again and she's his girlfriend ect.. Well this pisses me off of course cause i can't stand the whore. Alex stayed over at my dads house about 2weeks ago and when my dad called he slipped and told me she was over there doing some laundry and cleaning his house and i blew the fuck up i yelled at him and told him i didn't want that whore near alex and to tell her to leave ect.. Well i went to pick up alex myself prepared for a knock down drag out fight cause i don't want that drug addict whore std infected bitch near my kid. When i picked up alex my dad was outside with him and wouldn't even let me out of my own car then some DRUG ADDICT FUCKER friend of my dads approched my car and i knew him from when i was a kid (BROUGHT BACK BAD MEMORIES THANKS DAD) i was livid . Not only did my dad have that whore around alex he had a fucking drug addicted asshole around him too NO FUCKING WAY !!! So anyway i call my dad lastnight and practically get into a shouting match he cussed me out like ive never heard and it was because i threatened him. I told him that if he was going to let trash like that come to his house then my kids can't come to his house anymore and he could come over here to see them instead. THAT pissed him off but you know what i don't care
they are my kids and he will either abide by MY RULES or he doesn't get to see them. I will NOT subject my kids to bullshit i saw when i was a kid NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL. anyway Dad and I worked it out He agreed not to let her come over anymore when my kids are there or anyone for that matter except one guy which i approved of he's a good guy. Anyway so that was my weekend I feel like hell today i'm just worn emotionally and drained , i don't even feel like being even remotely nice to kirk today after him being a butthead with an attitude all weekend i just don't have it in me today to forget it and be nice. UGHHH this sucks.......